OK so you’ve got some guests over or you’re at a crap party that needs a bit of life injected into it. You’ve already tried playing your best Cliff Richard CD’s, have offered everybody shots of Father O’Leary’s Velvet Cream and you’ve even pulled out the old Twister mat but nobody’s gelling.
So what next??? How about a couple of magic tricks? Try these on for size… This first coin trick is easy and anyone can do it right away!
A number of coins are gathered from your guests on a metal tray and are then placed in a cap or a hat. Now choose one other guest to contribute a coin that he’s able to easily identify and get him to put that in the hat as well.
Shake up the coins, then put your hand in the hat and pull out the nominated guest’s coin. How do you do that you may ask??? Well here’s the secret… Before you did the trick you put the tray into the fridge for a couple of minutes. When the guests place their coins on it they will also feel somewhat cool. BUT the nominated guest’s coin wont because it was never on there in the first place.
So all you need to do is feel around the hat for the coin that feels warmer than the others and hey presto!!! You’re a magician!!! Trust me, this works!!!
How about a vanishing coin trick? This one’s called, The French Drop and it will require practice…
Take any coin and hold it at the tips of your fingers in one of your hands. Bring your other hand over to grab the coin. Before your hand grabs the coin release the coin from the tips of your fingers and let it fall into the base of your fingers.
Continue with the motion of the “grabbing” hand and act as if you have actually taken the coin with it. In reality, the coin remains in the original hand.
Before you perform this, make sure you that you check out the move in a mirror to be sure that the coin is not seen in your hand. Also, try to aim for a natural, unrushed style as you “grab” the coin. The best way to do this is to watch your hands in a mirror as you actually grab the coin and take it away. And then perform the coin vanish where you don’t grab the coin, but make it look as if you have.
Here’s a guy who does it really well… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc6BPoHZXcA
Feeling crap about your job well read the following job descriptions... It should make you feel a bit better about life!!!
ORGAN GRINDER MONKEY
Ideal for: musically inclined primates
Job specifications: You wear a ridiculous jacket and wave stupidly at passers-by while your boss plays the same music everyday. You try to look cute. You do tricks and charm the audience. You stop yourself from biting stupid children who poke at you and make funny faces.
Drawbacks: Day in, day out, you listen to the same music about 50 times a single day.
Perks: You get paid peanuts. Which is okay, since that’s what you want.
MOSQUITO RESEARCHER
Ideal for: sadomasochists.
Job Specifications: Most mosquito researchers have it easy: set the traps, go inside the tents, and have a cold bottle of beer before calling it a day. But the Brazilian mosquito, Anopheles darlingi, seems to have caught on. This little “sucker” only comes a-hovering when you set yourself up as bait. While this experiment is fairly simple—sit on a chair, and catch the bugs that bite you—be prepared for a lot of itching and a mind-bogglingly boring night. This is what you spent 3 years on your masters thesis to do?
Drawbacks: In just three hours, you’ll deal with 500 mosquitoes, and be bitten about 3,000 times. Not fun. Especially if any of them happen to carry malaria, where you’ll spend about two or three years recovering from the effects.
Perks: At least they’re mosquitoes, not poisonous frogs, piranhas, or black widow spiders. Plus, the opportunity to travel is pretty good. Since you’re in Brazil anyway, head for the tourist traps and reward yourself with a few days of sunning on a bright, golden and relatively bug-free beach.
BLUE CHEESE FACTORY WORKER
Ideal for: the gastronomically uneducated with no sense of smell.
Job specifications: Most food processing technology is geared towards the prevention of moulds; But since the pungent flavour and aroma of blue cheese is derived from letting it decay, you’re essentially handling commercial amounts of rotting cheese.
Drawbacks: The good news is that you have all the cheese you ever wanted. The bad news is that you’ll never want to eat cheese again in your life. Especially since the smell sticks to your clothes and hair. Probably best to tell you that scent is carried by microscopic amounts of that substance travelling down your nostrils, and the fact that you smell like blue cheese means that your body is covered by very small, but very many, molecules of mould.
Perks: If ever you get hungry, you can always grab a bite to eat.
Here at Zazz we regularly get products sent over to us with dodgy and quite unbelievable instructions on them... They can be so funny and so bizarre that every now and again you would almost think it worthwhile to buy the product just for them alone.
When further researching this subject here are a bunch of actual label instructions apparently found on various consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan: NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles: OPEN OTHER END.
3. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins: WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
4. On a Sears hairdryer: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
5. On a bag of Fritos: YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.(The shoplifter special!)
6. On a Korean kitchen knife: WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
7. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
8. On a Japanese food processor: NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I’m curious.)
9. On Sainsbury’s peanuts: WARNING – CONTAINS NUTS.
10. On a Swedish chainsaw:DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
11. On a child’s superman costume: WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
12. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
Feel free to add any more funny ones that you find. A prize will also be awarded for the most absurd instructions found within an actual Zazz purchase!
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ...... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Sometimes the funniest things happen by pure chance. It never ceases to amaze me how many times I’ve been out and about and had a laugh at the most random places and signs.
Like the other week I was in Healesville and had to do a double take when I saw this hairdresser.
Out of loyalty I almost went in for a bit of a trim!!!
Then there’s funny street signs, suburb and landmark names. Seriously, some of them are amazing! Like the time when I was driving through Mansfield in Central Victoria and discovered that there was actually a place called Mount Buggery! Like out of all the names you could choose why that one?
And there’s possibly the funniest street name in Victoria’s own Wedderburn… Would you believe some bright spark decided to call a street Titwobble Lane? Can you imaging how many times that sign goes missing?
A few more favourites are the suburb called Iron Knob in SA, located just off the Eyre Peninsula and Blowhard just near Ballarat in Vic.
Hahahaha funny stuff.
If anyone’s got any other random funny names of places we’d love to see them! Naturally there will be a prize for the funniest ones… And I know some of you have some beauties so get posting!
Seriously, did I do something really bad to anger the pigeon gods out there? Or have teradactyls returned to my car spot?
Some of you will probably enjoy this but let me tell you this lousy creature attacked my vehicle for like seven days straight. YES, probably my fault for not trying a different spot BUT I really thought the worst of it was over so I kept parking there day after crappy day!!!
I mean COME ON… what on earth was this beast of a bird eating? Jurassic worms? Dunno but I tell you now I know how I’d feel if I was some sort of statue.
So what’s the solution? What do you do in these situations? Get a feral cat? Thank god that Cow’s don’t fly? The lousy old grumpus dude over the road even told me it was meant to be a sign of luck!!! I mean seriously… You call this lucky? In the end I've let the creature win... I got nothing here... I've given up and moved on to a different spot!
Anyhow, that’s about it. No real point to any of this but thought it was worth a mention! Just another day at Zazz… LOL!!!!!!
